Embassy Transcript Leaked: Father’s Interview
US Embassy Abjuah
ABUJA, Nigeria: Breaking news has just crossed our desk here at the NIP regarding the father of unlucky terrorist Abdul Farouk Mutallab. It is widely known that the fizzled bomber’s father met with US Embassy officials in Abujah to warn them of his son’s intent to carry out acts of violence against the United States. As most people know all interactions with US Embassy officials on foreign soil are recorded for intelligence as well as archival purposes.
The NIP was provided with the following unofficial transcript of meeting between embassy official and the terrorist’s father, Alhaji Umaru Mutallab. We need to caution readers as to the graphic nature of the exchange and also remind readers that this transcript has not been verified. However the urgent nature of this investigation demands that we make what we know public, even if there are possible errors in translation and other inaccuracies.
UNOFFICIAL & UNVERIFIED TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS BETWEEN US EMBASSY OFFICIALS IN ABUJA AND ALHAJI UMARU MUTALLAB, FATHER OF ABDUL FAROUK MUTALLAB. EMBASSY REPRESENTATIVE NOT IDENTIFIED.
Embassy: How can I help you?
Mutallab: I’m concerned about my son’s association with radical Islam. He has fallen in with al Qaeda in Yemen and may be planning a jihadist attack on the United States.
Embassy: I’m sorry, there is no such thing as radical Islam.
Mutallab: Excuse me? What about this I always hear on the news?
Embassy: Of course there are a few isolated extremists out there. Nut cases, really. But they have nothing to do with Islam.
Mutallab: I can assure you that there are many Muslim radicals that want to do serious harm to the United States.
Embassy: That is impossible. President Barack Hussein Obama has apologized to the world for the imperialism of the Bush administration. Obama has Muslim roots, no one wants to harm America anymore.
Mutallab: My son has been making trips to Yemen and has spoken of his training with al Qaeda.
Embassy: Al Qaeda and other organizations are a thing of the past. I wouldn’t worry about your son being influenced by such people.
Mutallab: That is a chance you may want to take, but I don’t like taking chances with my son. What if he is planning something and your agents catch him?
Embassy: On the outside chance your son goes berserk and does something foolish our civilian police force will apprehend him. He’ll be afforded the rights of any US citizen.
Mutallab: But he’s not a US citizen, he’s Nigerian.
Embassy: No matter. In our country rights of citizens apply to all, regardless of country of origin.
Mutallab: I’m worried about him being tortured to reveal his connections to his contacts in Yemen.
Embassy: You’re thinking of Bush. Don’t worry, that will never happen.
Mutallab: Surely he’ll be subject to harsh questioning. After all he’d be an illegal combatant. I’ve seen your TV shows and movies.
Embassy: That’s just silly, you’ve seen too much TV. The first thing he’ll be told is he has the right to remain silent. Then he’ll be given a court appointed attorney that won’t cost you a thing. He’ll receive free medical assistance if needed, access to the press corps, food, shelter, and a place to relax. And he’ll be able to call home for free. Calm down. You don’t have anything to worry about, the system works.
… additional transcript redacted.
Editor’s Note: Please note this post is placed in our Satire category.
this has got to be wrong thats almost to bad to believe. i said almost.
If this was April Fool’s Day, I’d show more respect for this. It’s obviously a inflammatory fake piece put together designed to denigrate the Obama administration.
I’m sure that a portion of your hard core right wing readers (but not all) will foam at the mouth over this. But if you want to be taken seriously by a larger audience you’d be more discerning as to what you publish. Perhaps you saw this as an opportunity to spread yet another political urban myth. So now, instead of printing the truth, you’ll come off like any other shrill political rag out there that tries to appeal to whatever base it’s going for (either left or right). And you certainly wouldn’t publish crap like this when it hasn’t even been verified.
Exposing lies my ass.
@Jonathan Trenn I guess it’s OK to blame the Bush administration for a failed system, or call the terrorist an “isolated extremist” (like Obama did Monday.) It’s OK to say “the system worked” when the passengers have to wrestle a bomb-wielding passenger to the ground. It’s OK to force passengers to hold their bladders and take everything out of their laps in the last hour of a flight.
But it’s not OK to ridicule an administration that called off the War on Terror.
Hey, this may not be satire down the road! Not a thing to worry about….
Jonathan Trenn says… “Perhaps you saw this as an opportunity to spread yet another political urban myth. ”
If it’s an ‘urban myth’, Mr. Trenn, why did Obama appointee Attorney General Eric Holder hem and haw and seem confused when he was forced to answer Sen. Lindsay Graham’s ‘Bin Laden’ question?
GRAHAM: If we captured bin Laden tomorrow, would he be entitled to Miranda warnings at the moment of capture?
HOLDER: Again I’m not — that all depends. I mean, the notion that we –
GRAHAM: Well, it does not depend. If you’re going to prosecute anybody in civilian court, our law is clear that the moment custodial interrogation occurs the defendant, the criminal defendant, is entitled to a lawyer and to be informed of their right to remain silent.
The big problem I have is that you’re criminalizing the war, that if we caught bin Laden tomorrow, we’d have mixed theories and we couldn’t turn him over — to the CIA, the FBI or military intelligence — for an interrogation on the battlefield, because now we’re saying that he is subject to criminal court in the United States. And you’re confusing the people fighting this war.
So, Mr. Trenn, this bit of satire is unfortunately based on reality. I suppose that’s why you find it somewhat disheartening, a tough crow to eat and swallow, and I find it bringing a grim smile to my stone face.
Regarding the “War on Terror”, I’m no peace-nick or lefty. In fact, you may want to consider nominating for your yearly award (although this could have been more appropriate during the 2008 elections) all the Democrats who trashed the Bush Administration for a phony war on terror. The war existed then and exists today. But their hatred for Bush and/or his policies blinded them into insisting that there was no war.