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Hugh Hefner for President

February 13th, 2016 No comments

hhforpresRumors of Michael Bloomberg considering a run for the presidency has been reported by the New York Times on January 23. We are pleased to announce here at the NIP that Hugh Hefner is throwing his hat into the ring. We reached out to his campaign spokesman, girlfriend Holly Madison and asked what persuaded Hef to jump in:

When Hef heard that Mike [Bloomberg, ed.] was considering running, Hef decided it was Hef’s patriotic duty to run as a third party candidate. After all, Hef set the stage for the Lewinsky scandal with his influential Playboy Philosophy he published back in the 60’s. His pollsters indicate he has now better brand recognition than Trump. It also will give him something new to write about since Playboy has abandoned nudity.

We wish Hef well and hope that our NIP readers will help spread the word.

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Obama Awards National Voting Machine Contract to VW

November 3rd, 2015 No comments

obama_merkel_vwToday the Whitehouse announced awarding a national voting machine contract to Volkswagen. Citing recent news articles, Obama is quoted as saying, “We are excited to award this contract to VW engineers who have proven their superior programming skills.”

Analysts wonder at the timing of this announcement. Today’s upset in Kentucky may be telling. Today’s election in Kentucky resulted in Matt Bevin becoming the first republican to become governor in Kentucky in 40 years. Analysts wonder if that stinging loss and others this election day had anything to do with the Obama administration reaching out to VW.

When spokesman Josh Earnest was asked if today’s election losses had anything to do with awarding the contract to VW he replied, “VW has proven their superior programming skills which we feel will help our country bring about social justice at the polling booth.”

Categories: Big Government, Satire Tags: , ,

Obama Updates The Pirates of Penzance

June 24th, 2010 No comments

Babe HuggettBABE HUGGETT: One of the most astute and witty political and cultural journalists of our time, Mark Steyn, recently mocked President Obama as a “modern major generalist” in reference to Obama’s over-arching, bloodless speeches, pedantic dependence on failed political theory and tanking presidency. Steyn so enjoyed his pun that he used it again in a different article and who can blame him? It’s a brilliant observation but how many readers are even familiar with Gilbert & Sullivan’s song, I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General, in particular and it’s operetta in general, The Pirates of Penzance?

Now, I am not going to go into the history, Victorian politics or plot of the The Pirates of Penzance or the artistic tensions and musical rivalries between Gilbert & Sullivan here. That is for the curious to find out for themselves. So my apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan but what I am going to do is, in my own way, bring their satiric observation of Peter Principle leaders up-to-date: Read more…

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Van Jones to Be Nominated For Supreme Court Justice

April 9th, 2010 2 comments
Van Jones Supreme Court Nominee

Van Jones Supreme Court Nominee

WASHINGTON: With Justice John Paul Stevens announcing his retirement speculation is running rampant on who Obama’s nominee will be. The NIP has received inside information from a reliable source that the White House has already made its choice to be announced after laying the groundwork in the mainstream press.

Look next week for coverage of Justice Stevens accomplishments, already outlined in the San Francisco Chronicle today: preservation of abortion rights, support green legislation and climate issues, opposition to Guantanamo, and limits on the death penalty. As his positions are reiterated and emphasized they will build a foundation for Van Jones to be considered as Stevens’s replacement.

Jones is well known as an environmental advocate, civil rights activist and attorney. He currently serves as a senior fellow at the Center for American Progress, the George Soros-funded think tank. Jones’s work for the environment is well known, as is also his outstanding work (according to Valerie Jarrett) with STORM (Standing Together to Organize a Revolutionary Movement), a socialist group whose official Points of Unity “upheld revolutionary democracy, revolutionary feminism, revolutionary internationalism, the central role of the working class, urban Marxism, and Third World Communism.” Read more…

Categories: Satire, Videos Tags:

If Dr. Seuss Looked at Obama: Oh, the Things He’d See!

March 5th, 2010 1 comment

Babe HuggettBABE HUGGETT: In celebration of the National Association of Education’s yearly “Read Across America” project, which started Tuesday, March 2, First Lady Michelle Obama appeared at the Library of Congress and read to a select group of youngsters Dr. Seuss’ classic children’s story, The Cat In the Hat. Her choice was appropriate enough considering that Tuesday also marked the good doctor’s birthday, who would have been 106 if still alive.

Obama's Version of Cat In the HatThe Cat In the Hat was written by Dr. Seuss, (pen name of Theodor Seuss Geisel), in 1957 as a response to a challenge by the Life magazine writer, John Hershey, who specifically mentioned Geisel as an ideal illustrator for modern children’s books in a May 25, 1954 article titled “Why Do Students Bog Down on First R? A Local Committee Sheds Light on a National Problem: Reading”. Geisel’s publisher, Random House, asked him to write a new style of engaging children’s literature using a limited vocabulary of only 400 words, which the publisher’s estimated school children were learning at the time. Geisel cut the suggested list down to 223 and added 16 of his own.

Using the pseudonym of “Dr. Seuss”, Geisel’s The Cat In the Hat proved an instant hit and the story of the two rainy day bored young children first enjoying then panicking over the crazy, chaotic antics of a floppy red-and-white stripped hat wearing tuxedo Cat accompanied by his eagerly undisciplined partners-in-crime, Thing One and Thing Two still resonates with young readers 53 years later. Read more…

Categories: Satire Tags: ,

Bomber Turned Over To INTERPOL, French Detective in Charge

February 3rd, 2010 2 comments

Umar Farouk AbdulmutallabWASHINGTON: Obama, citing his recent decision granting INTERPOL diplomatic immunity announced today that jurisdiction over the fizzled panty bomber Abdul Farouk Mutallab is now being handed over to INTERPOL. This is a stunning reversal from White House secretary Robert Gibbs’ statement on January 25th that the 50 minute interrogation of Mutallab was enough.

There has been harsh criticism of the administration over their handling of the incident. Serious charges have been leveled that the administration, by ignoring the Geneva Convention, has put the USA at risk. Three days after the bomber was captured he warned that there was more to follow. Charges of incompetence have been leveled against Director of Homeland Security who shortly after the failed bombing crowed, “The System Worked.”

Responding to these charges today Obama read this statement during his daily teleprompter briefing:

Our decision to try Abdul Farouk Mutallab in civilian courts was an admirable one. It was intended to show the international community that the US recognizes the rule of law and no longer will conduct “cowboy diplomacy” in handling man-made disasters.

While our intentions were admirable, we did not go far enough. Recent criticism of our actions have made us realize that the proper handling of internationals is best handled by INTERPOL. After all that is why the organization was created.  It was for just such a case as this one that on December 17th I gave INTERPOL diplomatic immunity to operate here in the US. Little did we know just how wise and timely this decision that would prove to be.

For this reason we are now turning Mutallab over to French authorities who are sending over their Chief Inspector who will handle the interrogation and investigation. We are hereby dropping all civilian charges against Mutallab and any subsequent legal action against Mutallab will be at the discretion of INTERPOL.

INTERPOL has extensive experience in handling these types of investigations. Make no mistake– our ceding jurisdiction of this affair to INTERPOL will substantially increase our standing in the world community and will prevent Al-Qaeda from using US involvement in this matter as a recruitment tool.

Read more…

Categories: Satire, Videos Tags: ,

Obama Afraid of 6th Graders, Brings Teleprompters

January 25th, 2010 No comments
Are You Smarter Than a 6th Grader?

Are You Smarter Than a 6th Grader?

FALLS CHURCH, VA: We finally have definitive proof that President Obama has been watching the Fox network. Evidently Fox’s hit show, “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” has intimidated the White House.

Last week Obama appeared afraid to speak to sixth graders at Graham Road Elementary School in Falls Church last Tuesday, Jan. 19, 2010. He had apparently seen contestants on Jeff Foxworthy’s TV show get shredded by 5th graders. (NIP wonders if Foxworthy changed his legal name from NBCworthy to get the gig.)

Obama reportedly had a bad case of stage fright: “I’ve seen what happens when you go up against 5th graders, and these are 6th graders.”  Finally he was agreed to go on, but only if he could bring his trusty teleprompters. For a complete gallery of Obama’s frightening experience visit DayLife.

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