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Sneak Peek at Barry Obama’s High School Report Card

January 22nd, 2010 6 comments

Babe HuggettBarack Obama High School YearbookBABE HUGGETT: Thanks to all for the many letters and suggestions I have received from you NIP readers. Recently on the anniversary of President Obama’s first year in office I received the following report card from one of Obama’s high school teachers, a Mrs. M. She recently saw President Obama grading himself on national television. He was asked for his report card on his first year in office. She thought that NIP readers would be interested in seeing one of his high school report cards. We agreed and are passing it on to you.
Read more…

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Embassy Transcript Leaked: Father’s Interview

December 29th, 2009 6 comments
US Embassy Abjuah

US Embassy Abjuah

ABUJA, Nigeria: Breaking news has just crossed our desk here at the NIP regarding the father of unlucky terrorist Abdul Farouk Mutallab. It is widely known that the fizzled bomber’s father met with US Embassy officials in Abujah to warn them of his son’s intent to carry out acts of violence against the United States. As most people know all interactions with US Embassy officials on foreign soil are recorded for intelligence as well as archival purposes.

The NIP was provided with the following unofficial transcript of meeting between embassy official and the terrorist’s father, Alhaji Umaru Mutallab. We need to caution readers as to the graphic nature of the exchange and also remind readers that this transcript has not been verified. However the urgent nature of this investigation demands that we make what we know public, even if there are possible errors in translation and other inaccuracies.

UNOFFICIAL & UNVERIFIED TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS BETWEEN US EMBASSY OFFICIALS IN ABUJA AND ALHAJI UMARU MUTALLAB, FATHER OF ABDUL FAROUK MUTALLAB. EMBASSY REPRESENTATIVE NOT IDENTIFIED. Read more…

Categories: Satire, War on Terror Tags:

Al Gore Blamed for Climategate

December 2nd, 2009 No comments

NORWICH, England: The NIP has learned of a lawsuit soon to be filed against Al Gore. It appears that the Hadley CRU whose climate research has been discredited in the furor known as “Climategate” is about to sue Al Gore over the incident. More from crack reporter Jon Stewart:

Talking Dog Works for CIA

November 2nd, 2009 5 comments

Talking CIA DogDeep in the Virginia Woods: A couple of of our NIP staffers were on the road in the back woods of Virginia and reported seeing a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’ So they pulled over and rang the bell. The owner answered the door and told them to check out the dog in the backyard.

In the back they saw a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there (pictured).

‘You talk?’, they asked.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replied. Read more…

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Big Bird Harassing Michelle Obama

October 8th, 2009 No comments

Categories: Satire, Videos Tags:

Clergyman Stamps Out Prevarication in Chicago

October 6th, 2009 No comments

Just last week in Chicago Reverend Wrightly Smythe was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group were surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”

One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, Reverend Smythe was taken aback. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”

Reported by slinkycity.com

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